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I was forced to spend time with my family yesterday. We went shopping for a christmas tree which I cut down nearly entirely by myself.  It was my mother’s birthday and I tried to draw something for her, but it was so unimpressive that I threw it out. I then tried to write her a poem, but it was so awful that I threw it out also. I did however select her present, which she seemed to appreciate.

I spent the day sleeping after the celebrations until a few of the local lads who I call friends came by my house and invited me to go and watch a few movies with them. Mostly what ended up happening is that they were assholes to me for little to no reason. Just when I was beginning to think that I could stand spending time around them they give me the night I had and that was, as they say, that. They made fun of me for my beard, which is ironic if you know the ugly redheaded one. They made fun of me for not wearing the same clothes as them on the same days, which is just freakishly odd and they drew insulting pictures of me and laughed. On the other side of the way though I did look at some basic instruction about how to draw a human being. So at least my misery was not a waste of time.

I cannot even begin to express the amount of indignant rage that I feel about this though. I am not a bad person, I do not tend to mercilessly mock others except in cases of social self defense. I do my best to be pleasant and unobtrusive in people’s lives. Perhaps even to an unhealthy degree. Yet here I am. I don’t really know what the Hell I need to do to get over a point in my life where this can happen to me. I know that everyone can be mocked once in a while but this only serves to remind me that I need to become rich and powerful so at least if people do it to my face I can make them suffer for the rest of their lives. I am better than being treated like dirt.

Bad bad bad bad bad feelings in general.

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