A Turn of Events

The “last hoorah” for my friend from college ended up being a disappointing orgy of moping and bitching.

The short version is this: Everyone left early and he and I sat rather quietly in his room for the remainder of the night.

One of the friends left to go on a trip to Illinois, one because his girlfriend was a domineering bitch, and the last left because the others had and he would much rather go get drunk than hang around and mope about our crappy friends.

In any case I will be apply for college and jobs after he leaves sunday morning and my life, for better or worse, is going to move forward.

This is one of those very special occasions where I have almost nothing at all to say but also I have nothing I wish to do. Besides I like to try to post here with a fair bit of regularity.

So I am going to talk about women now.

I have, at best, a terrible history with women in general. I have had three girlfriends and none of the girls that I have asked out have ever said yes. This isn’t me whining about life (as it usually is) the girls I asked out had very little in common with me, even the ones that ended up dating me anyway.

There was one incredibly fucked up girl who said no to me, then when I was later not an asshole to me told me that she DID want to go out. I found out later that she thought it was because “I deserved a chance.” Anyway she cheated on me with a cousin of hers and spent the last few days of our relationship hitting on a friend of mine who always talked about stalking her.

Years later, long story short, she has slept with literally every one of the people that I had called friend when I met her.

Now, I only bring this up to give a little background. There is a lot of negativity in my life in this area and not for no reason. There is the above stories, my insecurity, a lack of women that are bearable and a certain insistence in my mind that I am not attractive to the opposite sex.

I know I am a little chubby, and that I have (even without the extra fat) a dull, round undefined sort of face. I have on multiple occasions considered both plastic surgery and suicide. For your information I have discarded the latter.

In any case women are a weird area for me, because even before I found out they were sluts I had this sort of nagging thought in the back of my head that I wasn’t happy in the relationship and I tended to sabotage it as much as I could.

In any case that was a time waster that I hope you enjoyed.

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